she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize