What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
