he puts the penis in happiness.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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