so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need to get me chipped asap
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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