remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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