My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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