Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
