soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
