I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
