wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
