absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize