dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to sanitize my soul.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
