we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
