he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
