I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
