is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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