So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
