I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
