Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
