would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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