We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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