i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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