So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
