u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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