You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
