I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
