my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
