So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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