i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
