ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize