I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
