I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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