our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
