apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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