Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize