he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
