I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
