I'm really into asian looking animals
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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