Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so much tequila, so little girl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
