I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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