the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
