There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
