worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
