I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
