all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
