i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
