so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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