a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize