I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
