Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I only lived at night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
