a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
