So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
