I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize