I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we should paint friendship bongs
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