soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This baby is an asshole
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
