gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
