They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize