I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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