So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
