tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
