i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
