On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We need to get me chipped asap
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