man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
