i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
