I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
