yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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