Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found your dick twin last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
