We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize