First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize