Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
