We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
