What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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