That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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