I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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