and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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