You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
