How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
