Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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