Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize