I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize