Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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