You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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