I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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