did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
