he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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