I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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