i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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