Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize